I had my first 'real' session with my therapist on Wednesday (after 2 emergency appointments with her 3 weeks ago) and it was fine. But the minute I walked out, I felt weird. I felt vulnerable. I felt exposed. I don't know if I'm ready to talk and be open. Its a scary prospect being compeltely open with someone who will be gone soon. I don't know if I even want to go back to another session. The woman I see is lovely, but I rely on people too much, especially adults. Adults who show me attention and support and a sense that they care. But I don't want to talk about stuff because it makes me over-analyse every point and situation that has occured in my life, especilly stuff that I've never spoken to anyone about. Reliving memories I've blocked out for a reason and then having to try and make sense of them. I am only have 4 sessions, one which has already been done and I feel that if I continue, I'm going to be left with more questions than answers and I don't think I could deal with that. I've done some crying, some binging and some purging and hopefully this whole mindset will go away fairly soon, I hope.
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