24.10.13

I feel like I'm in the biggest pit of misery and despair that I have been in for a long time. Everything is a mess and I don't know how to deal with everything. I've just let things crumble right in front of myself and I don't know to turn it all around. I've done an online application to see the counselling/mental health service at my university and I'll find out within the next couple of days as to when I can have an appointment. The thing is, I don't know if I can wait for a couple of days to be seen.  I feel so on edge at the moment and everything is draining the life out of me. I just wish I'd known how to deal with things and could keep control of everything, but as per usual I can't even do that. I can't look after myself but I don't want to feel as though I have to be looked after. I'm 19 in 5 days and I don't want to celebrate it at all and  I don't feel like doing anything. Wondering if I'll still be here for it at the rate I'm going to be honest. I just wonder what will happen. The next couple of days are going to be crucial. Just need to get through tonight, which at the moment is looking slightly bleak!