12.08.13

I remember one occasion that really sticks out for me that happened at secondary school. I was 16 years of age (in year 11), and I was isolating myself completely. I was in the grips of my eating disorder, my depression was at an all time low. I was fighting myself with no one knowing what was going on. I remember I was walking back from science going to I think my form room through the corridor and I felt so alone. I felt so alone even in the presence of others. I knew I wasn't alone physically because there was 40 girls walking in the same direction as I was, but I just felt so disconnected from every single one of them, like I was the only person walking down that corridor. I think from that point onwards, I've realised that loneliness, that aching of wanting to be loved, needed, noticed. But the thing is, the pain never goes away, its like a chronic pain, some days are better than others, equally some can be worse and horrible. When people say they are lonely, we normally associate that with being single, but it can mean feeling absolutely isolated and in solitude with everyone like family and friends and I think that's the worse kind of loneliness. That loneliness creeps up on you, makes you feel utterly alone in this world, feel as though you have no value to others and that you aren't valued by the people you love, cherish and would give your life too. Its even harder when you feel lonely even when your surrounded by the people who you love, and you know they love you but you can't shake that feeling off and that's hard. Do you believe your feelings, or do you believe the people around you?

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”  - Mother Teresa