I always ponder on the thought that I'll never recover from bulimia. It's hard that no-one knows I still do it. I think bulimia is one of those silent illnesses because it is. Most people who suffer from it are at a healthy weight or are overweight. I don't think my friends or family still believe I do it but to be honest, it's not a conversation started is it?
I don't think I'll ever deserve recovery. I'm not 'sick' enough to suffer from an eating disorder - not in the eye's of a mental health professional anyway. The only one who seems to care is my GP. I've had the effects from bulimia: decay/early gum disease, chest pains, fainting, heartburn, blood in vomit and stomach pains. My GP is the only one who cared when I stopped drinking and eating. He did my vital obs and weighed me each week, sent another referral to the cmht and just reassured me that he was there.
I've dipped into 'anorexia region' before with regards to my weight, but bulimia is something I use to cope with, plus I've had a mixed up relationship with food from such an early age like when I was a child so I don't know if that's what increased my chances of having an ED. No one has any offered any help, treatment or even to see if I wanted to start looking into. I just feel so I don't know, like I'm not worthy of anything. I'm not worthy of recovering and I wonder, how bad will I have to get to be offered help for bulimia.
No comments:
Post a Comment