16.06.13

The nights are always the hardest and I think there is only one reason for that and that's because its when I can actually be how I feel. I don't have to put on a happy smile and pretend everything's 'hunky dory' like I do when I'm with my friends and family. One reason I do that is because its so much easier to cover it all up. Throw some bandages on your wounds and pretend that everything has changed and portray that picture to others. I don't want people being worried about me because I hate talking about how I'm feeling and what I do. I mean who wants to hear about someone who binges until they look pregnant and then stays in the bathroom for 20 minutes purging everything she ate? No-one that's whom. The nights are where everything slowly unravels and were you can feel your self becoming more unstable and unsafe. You get to realise how alone you really are in the world and how you can feel so insignificant and worthless. The nights are the hardest, and I think for many people like I do who suffer from a mental health illness, the nights are the worse mainly because you are on your own and no one knows what you could do. Sometimes I prefer it that way, and sometimes I know that my thoughts and the voices get the better of me.